


Ninja vs. Dinosaurs

by Acts_of_Tekla



Category: Naruto
Genre: All the references!, Everything's Better with Dinosaurs, Gen, Humor, Shorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-13
Updated: 2014-11-13
Packaged: 2018-02-25 05:10:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2609708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acts_of_Tekla/pseuds/Acts_of_Tekla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Of course Sasuke played with toy dinosaurs when he was little. Who didn't? But most kids didn't go on to apprentice under a madman who raised corpses...and get ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ninja vs. Dinosaurs

**Author's Note:**

> Produced when a friend encouraged my long-held conviction that Sasuke playing with dinosaur toys in a 2-second flashback scene indicated that dinosaurs are known in the Naruto universe, and can be summoned with Edo Tensei. Posted even though I couldn't get the bit that actually explains everything to fit the tone of the rest of the piece (though I can post it separately if people are interested), because I figured it wasn't any crazier than canon wound up being.

**1\. Kabuto Is a Nerd**

A figure sat hunched, silhouetted against the glow of the computer screens, and muttering to himself. “Yes…this is a green and fertile land, and we shall call it…This Land."

“I think we should call it Your Grave!"

“Aah! Aah! Curse your sudden-yet-inevitable betrayal--!”

He was cut off by the opening of the door.

“Kabuto, what are you doing?”

“Lord Orochimaru!” He leapt to his feet and whirled around, standing in front of the work station. “You didn’t see anything!”

Orochimaru sighed. “No, Kabuto, I didn’t see you playing with your infantile toy dinosaurs…again. So, since you clearly aren’t busy, you are free to assist me.”

“Of – of course, Lord Orochimaru,” he stammered, blushing.

Orochimaru turned on his heel and left, revealing a smirking Sasuke.

“Nerd,” he sneered before following Orochimaru.

Kabuto sighed. He really had to stop playing Dinosaur Empire where people could walk in on him.

 

**2\. Summoning Takes Research**

Sasuke frowned in the faint light. Even with the Sharingan, he could barely read the scroll tags. Nonetheless, he was determined to gain a summon. An _awesome_ summon. A summon that nobody else had ever had.

Way better than Naruto’s stupid toads or Orochimaru’s creepy snakes.

His lips curled infinitesimally when he found the research he was looking for and started to sound out the strange alphabet.

“InGen…”

 

**3\. Summoning Also Takes Practice**

After months of secret nighttime research in Orochimaru’s library, Sasuke was finally ready to attempt the ultimate summon. His seal was perfect. He bit his finger and swiped the seal with blood.

“Kuchiyose no Jutsu!” he called.

The smoke cleared to reveal…

A purple spotted dinosaur, about waist high. As soon as he saw Sasuke, he made a curious sound, sniffed tentatively, and then, faster than the ninja could dodge, leaped for him and knocked him down.

Sasuke attempted to throw the beast off, certain that it was about to go for his throat, when it instead began to enthusiastically lick his face.

It was several minutes before Sasuke was able to wrestle the dinosaur off and dismiss it. Sasuke consoled himself with the knowledge that he had at least managed to summon _something_.

  
**4\. Introductions I**

“We’ll need more firepower!” Sakura yelled.

Naruto nodded. “Summons!”

In unison, the three performed hand seals and yelled, “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”

Almost instantly, Sakura was standing thirty feet high on the head of a gigantic poisonous slug. To her right, Naruto was riding Gamabunta. Beyond him, Sasuke stood on the head of…Godzilla?!

Even in the midst of a battle to save the world, the two had to take a moment to stare, bug-eyed, at their prodigal teammate’s mount.

“What?” he said with a smirk, “Like I was going to be outdone by you morons?”

 

**5\. Practice Makes Perfect**

It had been a long, grueling day of training under Orochimaru, but Sasuke almost never stopped training until he dropped from exhaustion, and besides that, he knew that he would never perfect his summoning jutsu if he only practiced when at his best.

In hindsight though, today it might have been better to just get some rest.

When the smoke cleared, a seven-foot-tall purple dinosaur with a green stomach was revealed. It…smiled?

“Hello there! It’s super-dee-duper to meet you!”

Sasuke frowned. On the one hand, it was bigger than his last attempt and could talk; but he was really looking for something with…well…teeth, for one thing.

“You don’t look happy to see me. Do you need a hug?”

Shuddering, Sasuke dismissed it before it had taken a single step towards him.

 

**6\. Introductions II**

This mirror-universe-genjutsu thing was kind of creepy, but Naruto had to admit that it was pretty awesome to fight alongside Akatsuki instead of having to run from or kill them. That Sasuke was also helping him save Sakura was pretty great too, even though it was the unnerving alternate version of Sasuke instead of the real thing.

“You all go after the tailed beasts; I’ll get that masked creep!” he yelled.

“Sasuke, pair up with me,” Itachi ordered.

“Nah, I’ll be good on my own, nii-san,” Sasuke replied. “Kuchiyose no Jutsu!”

With a puff of smoke, he was suddenly standing on the shoulder of a 30-foot-tall Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Naruto stared. What the fuck kind of genjutsu was this?!

“Beat _that_ , Itachi!” Sasuke yelled down at them.

Itachi blinked slowly. “Okay, I admit it; I’ve got nothing. You win.”

“Yes!”

Naruto frowned; was Sasuke doing a victory dance up there?

“And I’m hotter than you, too – admit it!”

Itachi sighed. “We have a battle to fight, otouto; time to focus.”

“Fine, fine,” Sasuke groused. To himself, though, he muttered, “I’m totally hotter.”

 

**7\. Third Time’s the Charm?**

Sasuke couldn’t help but be frustrated. He'd thought that he was improving, but this latest attempt didn’t produce a larger or more intelligent dinosaur. Instead, he’d summoned a pink frog-lizard thing with enormous purple eyes, wearing a yellow t-shirt and a diaper.

The door to the training room opened abruptly. Shit, he’d been caught!

“Sasuke, it’s not even dawn—”

“NOT THE MAMA!!” the summons shrieked, flinging a frying pan from out of nowhere.

The heavy object caught Orochimaru square in the face and knocked him out cold.

Sasuke gave the summons a considering look before dismissing it. He could definitely see the possibilities with this one.

 

**8\. Introductions III**

Naruto grabbed Gamakichi and dove into a crack between two boulders. He had known that it would be hard to convince Sasuke to return to Konoha after three years away, but he hadn’t expected his supposed best friend to object quite so enthusiastically. He shoved further back into the crevice, getting as far away as possible from the monstrous beast that Sasuke had summoned to kill him.

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me he summoned giant lizards with teeth like that?!” Gamakichi yelled almost directly in his ear.

“You think I knew?!” Naruto yelled back. “These things aren’t supposed to exist anymore! Even I learned that!”

The beast let out a deafening roar.

“Maybe you should give him the memo,” Gamakichi suggested.

 

**9\. Eventually, You Might Get Lucky**

After months of practice, Sasuke thought he’d finally gotten a summons he could work with.

The dinosaur was about 10 feet long, with a long, flexible tail, wicked claws on its hands and feet, and intelligent eyes.

It sidled up to him curiously, cautiously, and Sasuke felt his lips turn up in a smile.

“You’re a clever girl, aren’t you…”

 

**10\. Best Laid Plans**

Sasuke’s moment of triumph was at hand. Naruto had been utterly flummoxed by his Tyrannosaurus Rex summons, and finally hidden in a crevice between two large boulders.

“Seize them!” Sasuke ordered, and the enormous dinosaur rushed to obey.

However, after a minute, it appeared that something was wrong.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you seizing them?!” Sasuke demanded.

The dinosaur roared back abashedly. “I have a big head, and little arms. I’m just not sure how well this plan was thought through.”

Sasuke glowered at him.

“…Master?”

 

**11\. Consequences**

Naruto stumbled into Iruka’s office, looking seriously worse for wear and dragging what appeared to be the body of a freshly killed velociraptor.

What the hell?! Had he managed to fall asleep over grading again?

Getting right up in his face, Naruto pointed to the dinosaur corpse and growled, “Iruka-sensei…THEY ARE NOT EXTINCT!!”

**Author's Note:**

> Other works referenced, but not tagged as fandoms because they weren't prominent enough: Firefly, Jurassic Park, The Flintstones, Godzilla, Barney and Friends, Road to Ninja: Naruto the Movie, Dinosaurs (TV series), and Meet the Robinsons.


End file.
